Making sense of the Gary Speed tragedy

Gary Speed's suicide at the age of 42 is a shocking tragedy.

A retired professional sportsman with a young family, with no financial worries and with a promising career as an international manager apparently taking his life just four weeks before Christmas at his family home is simply awful.

We can only sympathise with his family, his friends, colleagues and the many people in the football world who he has left behind.

And his death is all the more shocking for the fact he was on Football Focus yesterday lunchtime, seemingly happy and talking positively about his future.

Making sense of the death is all the harder because it is appears it was suicide.

I don't know Gary Speed and I don't know what was in his mind this morning when he apparently took his own life.

But I lost my uncle in exactly the same way nine years ago and fully understand the mess of unanswered questions this kind of act leaves behind.

Bizarrely, in Norwich City circles, my uncle Alan took his life in May 2002, the Monday after Norwich had lost the play-off final to Birmingham.

I'll say at this point that he wasn't a Norwich fan and his death had nothing to do with football.

I'd driven to the game in Cardiff with my girlfriend at the time and a friend and, as depressed as we were after a long drive back to Norfolk having lost to Birmingham on penalties, those feelings were soon put into perspective the following day.

After I'd been at work I came home to a phone call from my mum telling me my uncle had hanged himself a few hours earlier. He was 63.

Suddenly my family looked for questions and answers.

I'd heard from my mum that he'd been "depressed" for a few weeks, but that was it. He'd been out on the Sunday with my auntie and they'd had Sunday lunch.

Tellingly, my auntie recalled after the suicide that she remembered seeing a length of rope in the back of his car on the Sunday.

A day later she came home from work and found that length of rope around my uncle's neck.

At the funeral, she was a mess. Everyone was a mess. It seemed so wrong that we'd all taken time to gather for a funeral for someone who actually wanted to be dead.

All that feeling of love for him was tainted by the complete shambles he'd left behind in a split second decision. He'd left behind a wife, his mother, his children, grandchildren and potential retirement in a year or two when all that hard work would have paid off and he would have perhaps had time to get help.

People talked about him being selfish and that is what suicide is, but it's an illness, a condition, a decline into a world were rational becomes irrational and that can happen at an alarmingly strict pace.

My uncle had worked in a technical industry for many many years and was good at his job, but in the light of changing technology he felt under immense pressure to learn new skills and to make changes to his working life.

And, for whatever reason, he felt he couldn't handle it.

We knew he had a form of depression, but we didn't know the extent of it. And that is what suicide is. A slow-burning lingering sense of doubts that can gather at great pace until time, circumstance and conditions mean there is no other way. Rationality vanishes and a black fog covers all other options. What may have been a laughable possible option suddenly becomes the only option.

I feel for Gary Speed. I feel for whoever found him this morning. My auntie never got over that sight and although she has a new partner, I am sure she sees her husband's lifeless body in her head every day.

We can only try and appreciate what was going on in Gary Speed's head this morning and try and understand what he was going through. But in my experience of dealing with a family suicide, you never really know the extent of it.

The only positive thing is that Gary is at peace now. He's got there in a violent and shocking way and he will be missed by thousands and thousands of people, but tonight he's finally in the place he wants to be in.

Rest in peace

Gary Speed

1969-2011

Norwich 2 QPR 1 - Ten Things We Now Know

1 That was probably the most important game we’ll win this autumn
Just like beating Swansea in October at home was vital, beating fellow promoted side QPR in the last game of November was absolutely vital. Whatever happens this season we now know that we won’t lose out to our fellow promoted sides in terms of points which is key if we hope to stay up.
Both the wins against Swansea and QPR were hardly convincing but a win is a win, and given that Rangers won at Stoke last week, it kind of puts are hard-fought 2-1 win into perspective.
Despite beating both Swansea and QPR at home, I’ve got little hope that we’ll do anything other than lose to both sides when we face them on their own patch

2 Lambert mixed it up, but the new faces did little to suggest they’ll stick around
Big news today – a different starting line up for the first time in ages. Out went Kyle Naughton, David Fox and Wes Hoolahan with Ritchie De Laet, Andrew Surman and Simeon Jackson coming in.
While all three players did little wrong, neither of the trio did anything to suggest they’ll be starting any games in any Premier League any time soon.
I think it’s good that these three got a game, but they are squad players, not starters. De Laet didn’t have any real presence to his game, didn’t get forward and didn’t really get involved. Surman seemed hesitant too, he had a couple of chances to do things but seemed a little off the pace and then there was Jackson.
I really want to like him and really want him to have the same kind of impact he had towards the end of last season, but he still has the first touch from his Gillingham days, which may be OK against Shrewsbury, but won’t cut the mustard against Man City.

3 Holt and Morison are starting to get selfish
I’ve touched on this before, that when Holt invariably comes off the bench for the last 20-25 minutes, there seems to be a bit of a rivalry between himself and Morison.
Today, it was perhaps the best example. Morison has hit four goals this season and Holt had three before he came on. Holt soon scored what turned out to be the winner, putting him on four too. But after that, Morison had a chance when it would have been easier to pass to Holt and vice versa. When Holt didn’t pass to Morison there was a heated exchange between the two. I noted that they seem to make up at the final whistle, but it was definitely noticeable that there is big competition between the two of them up front.

4 We’ve started sacrificing creativity and flair in midfield
Against Swansea six weeks ago we started with a midfield that included David Fox, Wes Hoolahan, Elliott Bennett – all creative players in their own right. Against Swansea, neither of that trio started, with Jackson replacing Hoolahan and midfield hod-carriers Andrew Crofts and Andrew Surman starting. Along with Bradley Johnson, this trio has little creativity about them and turned the game into a Championship-style kickabout.

5 QPR were really poor
That’s not to say we were much better, but I was massively disappointed by Rangers. That win against Stoke last week was awesome, and they’ve recently put in some great performances. Today they offered little in midfield and really missed Joey Barton. The good news for Norwich is that there are certainly three teams worse than us in this division. I'm not sure QPR are bad enough to go down, but they didn't seem to have much about them today.

6 Mark Clattenburg didn’t do much wrong

Mark Clattenburg, love him or hate him, but I think he had a decent game today. Dozens of fans around me in the middle of the Jarrold Stand were beside themselves with rage everytime he stopped play, calling him a joke. I just don't get the beef with Clattenburg. Sure he's a matter-of-fact referee which I can see gets on people's nerves, but for me he's one of the best in the top flight.

7 QPR need to shore up their defence

Steve Morison was simply all over Danny Gabbidon in this game and Anton Ferdinand was also pretty anonymous. Against better teams, they will get hammered this season. If Fulham and Bolton can put a combined ten goals past them in two games, then they need to get it sorted. Today Norwich were pretty poor and scored two weak goals that any manager would hate to see his team concede

8 Norwich's defence is showing serious signs of creaking too

First the good news: Daniel Ayala and Zak Whitbread are on their way back and fingers crossed Elliott Ward isn't too far off as well. City's defence is getting weaker and weaker. While Russell Martin made up for his Arsenal error, I'm getting seriously concerned about Leon Barnett, have no confidence in Ritchie De Laet and am worried that Marc Tierney suddenly looks like he's lacking in confidence.

Barnett in particular seems to have taken a big nosedive in form over the last month and in a month when we face Spurs, Newcastle and Man City, he will get found out.

9 Shaun Wright-Phillips looks a shadow of his old self

Six-and-a-half years since Wright-Phillips last played at Carrow Road in the 'Let's be 'Avin You' game for Manchester City and boy has he gone backwards. While brother Bradley has found his level in League One, SWP seems to have lost everything that made him a dynamic Premier League player a decade ago.

The Rangers Number 32 turned 30 last month and should be, excuse the pun, at the height of his game. I personally think he'll be playing in the Championship next season.

10 It's the end of November and four players have really stood out this season

It's the spine of our team who I've been most impressed with. Quite simply it's John Ruddy, Russell Martin, Wes Hoolahan and Steve Morison who've stood out this season, and they're the four players that must start every game. Bringing Grant Holt on as a sub for the last 20 minutes does have an impact. Not starting Wes Hoolahan does nothing but hand an advantage to our opponents.

Simply in awe of Robin van Persie

Norwich host Arsenal on Saturday and I can't wait to get up close and personal with probably my favourite non-Canary in the Premier League.

Yes despite a decade of watching football in Holland and countless games in England, I've never managed to watch Robin van Persie in the flesh.

That should change at Carrow Road at 12.45pm on Saturday as Norwich welcome the current Premier League top scorer on something of a hot streak.

Van Persie's value to Arsenal has never been greater than this season - after the loss of Cesc Fabregas, the shocking start to the season and the doubts over manager Arsene Wenger's capability, it's van Persie who has carried the Arsenal fight on his own.

And it's van Persie who I am most excited about seeing on Saturday, even if I know the odds are pretty high that he'll destroy Norwich.

So why van Persie? Well I've got Dutch blood running through my veins, my grandmother was born in Amsterdam and I've always, well, since Euro '88 when I first saw the Dutch in a major football tournament, has a soft spot for all things Oranje.

Trips to Holland in my late 20s - to grounds at Ajax, PSV, Feyenoord and Utrecht have helped build upon that love, and Dutch players have become some of my favourite players of the last two decades.

While Ruud Gullit, Frank Rijkaard and Marco van Basten were TV stars, it was the players of the early 2000s that I loved watching in the flesh - players like Richard Knopper, Jesper Gronkaer (I know he's Danish!), Dirk Kuyt and a very, very young Arjen Robben starring for PSV in 2003 that caught my eye on trips to Holland.

But it's van Persie, of all the players who've emerged from Holland in the last ten years who has thrilled me most. In his seven years at Arsenal he's scored some cracking goals, but the one goal that first made me sit up and take notice was this stunning goal against Charlton back in September 2006. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp_6yBB47bE

There aren't many players who I'd stand up and cheer a similar goal scored against Norwich, but when van Persie and his Arsenal side come to the city, I don't expect us to get anything out of it.

We've done well to get into the Premier League, but there are some games we've understandably written off before they're played. I believe there's no harm in that whatsoever. Games against Arsenal won't decide if we stay up, games against QPR will.

So let's sit back and appreciate just how good Arsenal are - and if their Dutch master smashes in a goal half as good as this, I for one, will be thrilled to see it.